Simon, you have articulated your experience perfectly in this statement “A person, devoid of DMT experience, will never understand the sheer scale of what has been witnessed by the person taking it. I know it is impossible for any mind, on any type of level, to create what is shown. It is a non human reality where my own mind was just a bystander, an observer, to layers and layers of simultaneous impossibilities all interwoven to create the fabric of existence on many different levels and dimensions at the same time”
If I may, I would like to share my first DMT experience:
Being possessed with a curious and adventurous nature and an inner yearning for learning and spiritual growth, there isn’t much I have said no to, throughout the course of my adult life over the last 35 years.
In order to bolster my life experience and to collect a never-ending list of adventure stories to regale at dinner parties, I have courageously (although some might argue stupidly) tried at least once, every party/street drug available. Mainly because I wanted to be informed. I needed to know firsthand how those substances would make me feel and whether they would in fact alter and expand my mind. That, they did and more. My life was and is changed forever.
I thought I knew it all until I was recently invited to try “DMT” along with two other people. As I had never heard of that substance previously, I thought it would be best if I sat this invitation out and observed the behaviour of the others. One would have thought that this may have been the perfect opportunity to verbally ascertain more about this hallucinogenic at this juncture, but I didn’t. I just sat and watched with great curiosity and interest.
Upon smoking DMT through a bong-like pipe, both parties, almost instantly, fell into a dream like sleeping state. They lay there quietly and unmoving and appeared to be terribly serene. Within minutes they had smiles on their faces. Neither uttered a word for the entire session which probably lasted up to 30 minutes. Upon awaking, both looked incredibly refreshed and revitalised; like they’d been on a holiday. Neither looked to have had the physical symptoms which come from the drugs I had experienced in my life.
Inquisitively, I couldn’t stop watching them. I asked them, “How do you feel? Where were you? What did you see?” Both had grins on their faces and admitted to feeling good. He said, “I saw the fabric of time”. Wow! How does that look like, I wondered? I couldn’t even begin to contemplate a visual image for that sentence. When I pressed him for more information he stated he couldn’t even try to put it in words. When I asked her, she said, “Just google Alex Grey. That’s what I saw.” And so, I did. Grey’s mind-blowing work is simply amazing.
Within minutes of coming out of their DMT nap, it was business as usual for all of us. We continued to enjoy each other’s company by chatting, drinking and smoking cigarettes like nothing at all had transpired. I continued to remain astonished by the fact that there was no physical hangover from this drug. I thought to myself, sweet! I’ve got this one in the bag; I can handle this! There doesn’t seem to be anything terrifying about this substance. If I ever get the chance to try it, I will for sure. So, did I do any research on DMT since this session? No, I did not.
But nothing could prepare me for what I was about to experience on my first DMT adventure five months ago; a visual experience which I recall in clarity, every single day since the moment my perception of my identity and the world I exist in, changed forever.
So, let me set the scene. Initially, there were 15 of us. We’d been out dancing and were high on alcohol, MDMA and life. Yep, we were loving life! As late night turned into dawn, eight of us found ourselves sitting outdoors on the grass in lush surroundings at a private afterparty venue. The weather was balmy, music was chilled, and we filled the quiet air with our ever so important yet silly banter about anything and everything, laughing hard as we chatted along.
Suddenly, the DMT smoking apparatus which I had witnessed three months prior, makes its presence at our little soiree. Whilst the pipe is being packed, I am the first in the group to be invited to partake. Without any hesitation I bent over and smoked the pipe as good as a bong. Within two seconds I can remember reclining slowly and thinking to myself, here comes the nap. Yippee!
As I closed my eyes I felt like I had been ricocheted into blue black darkness by a giant slingshot. A darkness I can only describe as vast space in a galaxy, far, far away. I am without body. I am a source of energy. Amidst the darkness, I am suddenly greeted by a deck of hundreds of postcard size images, flicking frantically from left to right; far too fast for me to initially understand what those images portray but I am transfixed nevertheless. As the supply of cards begin to dwindle, so does the speed at which they flick. I can recall seeing the last five to ten images which seemed to have some sort of familiarity, moving at a comprehensible speed, until they disappear completely, and I am once again left in darkness. I felt like I had been looking at photos of my life. At this point, I am left to understand that what I just witnessed was my life flashing before my eyes.
My entire visual space is then rudely and suddenly flooded by saturated, frantic, frenzied, revolving, spiralling, folding, multiplying 3D Rubik’s Cube type geometric patterns. A cartoon-like voice yells, “Ha! Ha! You’re Dead!” Lines of 3D squares shift rapidly, simultaneously vertically and horizontally. In the centre, there are 3D square worm like images exploding and imploding on themselves; similar to that of the DNA spiral we have seen published. Nothing makes sense. I am giddy and feel discomfort. It’s hectic and I don’t like being in this space. I feel like my mind was being ripped apart trying to make sense of all of this. I wanted it to end. Now and quickly.
In the background there is a loud, consistent, throbbing mechanical Whaaaaaaa sound, like I am travelling through a tunnel. Whilst I am mesmerised by these geometric patterns, I feel like I am moving up and being transported in a lift at a great speed. The sound is excruciating. I hear mechanical-like clicks, elevating me higher and higher. Click, click, click. As my eyes follow the DNA spiral which seems to be sucking me into another void, the other geometrics begin to fall away, the higher I am elevated.
And then there I am. Just like that. I am at a new destination. My entire visual space fills with a beautiful serene photographic image or even painting, of a perfect blue violet sky filled with fluffy white clouds. There is a strong shining light emanating from one of the clouds on the left. I am mesmerised by the sheer beauty and tranquillity of this image. Initially, I notice that I am observing the back of my physical body, observing this image. Then suddenly, my body disappears. I am only eyes at the periphery of this image.
The light is ever so bright and welcoming; I am terribly drawn to it. I seem to have a knowingness that there is a transparent film between me and the light source. I so desperately want to be in this heavenly image and I decide to walk through the film. “Ah! You made it! You’re finally here!” says a welcoming voice from within the image. I immediately felt indescribable radiance, warmth, euphoria (better than 1000 ecstasy pills taken together). I felt a strange, yet powerful feeling of unconditional love and acceptance. I was bathed in absolute, infinite love and warmth and I loved it. It felt fucking awesome! Like nothing I have ever experienced before in my life. The words nirvana and enlightenment appeared softly over the shining light. I had started to understand that I had reached the Afterlife. I felt so good, so calm and peaceful, like I wanted to stay forever. I felt like I had arrived home.
I am transfixed by the light and the feeling of unconditional love. I stay here for some moments and bathe myself within this magnificence, until I try to walk towards the light. And then the voice announces, “But if you want to stay here, you must stop breathing.” Damn. I was asked to make a decision and I didn’t want to make one. Physically, I can remember my body going limp at this point. I was ready to have my last breath and to leave this life plane behind. After a string of disastrous life events, I was feeling jaded with life and so very tired. The voice reminded me how tired I was and was telling me to just let go. Sonja, just let go! Have your last breath and come here. I started to walk towards the light. I was at peace and so very ready. Physically, my breathing was shallow. I wanted to be with the light.
But then I heard the voice of one of my friends at the after party ask, where are you Sonja? I am confused. I am not sure if they are waiting for me behind the light. I am torn. I don’t know which way to walk. For an unknown reason, I slowly step back through the transparent film and out of the gorgeous heavenly stage. I am tumbling down with great speed. Again, I hear the mechanical clicks and feel like I am in an invisible lift. Unexpectedly, I am back at the monotonous, repetitive geometric playground I left earlier but not for long.
As I opened my eyes, the first words I uttered were ‘that was fucking awesome! When can I do that again?’ I saw that my friends were waiting eagerly for my return. I was hugged. Some had tears in their eyes. I was told my breathing was hampered and that I had turned slightly blue. One friend was ready to take me to hospital. I was told I had a large dose (50-70mg) and was out for 30-40 minutes. Wow!!
I am convinced that I died for some minutes or at least had a near death experience. I certainly believe, without a doubt, that I had entered the Afterlife; a place that I have steadfastly refused to believe in. I also believe that this life plane is the “hell” that religions refer to.
I feel profoundly different and privileged by my humbling DMT experience. Perhaps there is more I need to fulfil on this life plane? Clearly, my time here is not up.
I have heard people say, don’t look for DMT – it finds you. Well, I truly believe I was meant to have that experience at that pivotal point in my life.
What a game changer!!